Identifying Addictive Behavior in Your Life

Addictive personalities are hell on anyone who has financial, emotional or social interaction with them. Whether you are a parent, friend, student, teacher, boss, co-worker, employee, patient, counselor, manager or partner, having to be involved with an addict can and will drain you mentally, physically and financially. Having grown up amongst alcoholics, I readily adapted to some of the drinking culture popular in the military and construction industries. It was not until I took a good look around to break away from this kind of life style. I started to note that addictive personality did not stop at boozing. Drugs, gambling and compulsive spending were other activities that brought the same misery with it. Without going into too much detail of lost fortunes, broken homes and crippled health, I will go directly to the source of the problem: the addict themselves.

It takes no genius to figure out the role of alcohol and drugs in street crimes. Alcohol or drugs can incapacitate a victim or make a criminal aggressive or reckless enough to swindle, steal from, assault or injure someone. This is not to be confused with the occasional happy hour drinker or recreational user of drugs. The addict is someone who lives for certain drugs or activities like gambling.

Financial abuse, a soft word for incompetence, lying and theft, often gets directed at those that the addict despises. Addicts will destroy themselves and drag down anyone close by. Most of us know a co-worker who constantly mooches money and favors, but turns ugly towards the same people who help them out.

I heard a saying in the army, "You might trust him with your life, but not your money or your wife." I have known fellow soldiers whom I have worked very closely with and relied on heavily, during training and work. But these same guys I could not trust with money or girl friends. It was often the guys who drank heavily. They might have been at the top of their courses and very high performers during the most visible times, but with booze in hand, they were totally just the opposite.

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Alcoholics and drug addicts can be very extravagant, especially with other people's money. A typical example is the guy who always has to borrow twenty bucks as he is certain to have a "hot date." The situation can never wait. Like a gambler, his big chance to score is now and never later. When you try (and try) to collect, the excuses usually run anywhere from trouble with his or her ex, car payments or so many people owe him money that he can only pay you when those "dead beats" pay up. A favourite excuse is "well, _______owes me twenty, so collect off of him." Another excuse for not paying back is "What? After all of the favors I've done for you? Man, you owe me."

Marriage, family and even a top secret security clearance might mean stability to some people, but it is not the rule. I recall a military guy with both a top secret security clearance and a family, who was in charge of his training course's party fund. At the end of the course, the party fund was empty. Gone.

This goes the same with business. The fraternity brother, army buddy or team mate is always a bad risk if they are a "party-goer." I had an ex-army buddy, who started an entertainment company. If a week passed when he did not brag about his new extravagant lifestyle like $20-a-hole golf games and $200 champagne, I was sure to mark it on my calendar. His company was doing just great, for a while. Then the money ran out, the products stopped selling and trouble started with the securities commission. The stock was worth pennies, partners left and the office closed. No doubt, business is tough. But, I should have clued in to the constant pot smoking, the parties, the over-priced automobile and the domestic problems occurring around that office. One just kind of over-looks some of these behaviors, until it is too late.

Again, the alcoholic or addict must always prove that he is better than someone else. He or she will continually set people up to put them down. Whether it is hanging up the telephone on someone, belittling them in public or physical bullying, it is non-stop.

Here's a typical tactic. The addict will sometimes maneuver a woman to stay over at his place. Whether by keeping her out late, spiking her drink, insisted that they both had too much to drink, etc. Since he did not take advantage of her, he gains trust. Furthermore, he now has her feeling guilty and shamed over sleeping over. He has technically scored points to his own ego by having her over within the first few dates. Now he also has her within his territory, so to speak. He might even brag what a morale giant that he is. This might sound downright weird, but an addict will deliberately put on big displays of their own righteousness. They will rant about other alcoholics and insist that they "don't drink anymore." They constantly remind people of that "fact."